Damn the 08..!!

For last few years, the year 2008 has had this reputation of being the most crucial year of my life, a dawn of a new era. By the end of this year though..I can say it quite safely, it was the worst of 'em all...as if the night itself has elongated the hours of darkness...

Heard this in a movie yesterday...."I could have saved them if it wasn't for you..!!"

Maybe he would still be here if it wasn't for me?...or at least I should have told him..how much I loved...now I can only hope that he knew that already...he deserved to know...I wish..I just wish for once in my life, I could turn back in time...If I could set things right...If I can erase the guilt...the regret. But somethings are bound to be with you..for a lifetime.

It took me an eternity to write the above-mentioned. I have never been this weak...or maybe I have never known myself this well. I typed...and then I held my head in my hands...I typed and then I held my head in my hands again...and then maybe I cried a bit...

Heck with that..I'll be stronger. Nah..its not a resolution...I have ought to be...don't have any other option. I'll also remember this year as the year I graduated...the year my career would/(should?) have taken off. But then, anticipation is the death of joy.

We expect the joyous notion to reside with us and start taking it for granted, when it already is there with us. When we have what we crave for, we are happy...but not as much as we should have been and when we are not happy...we obviously are not...!!

Lets stop taking happiness for granted.

->gibberish: would not make sense to most<-

Anticipation: I should have..I want...will have it...I have it now...joy: happy? nah..I have it 'coz I deserved it..!!

.............Anticipation: I don't have it...should have had it...joy: happy? nah I deserved it..and I still don't have it!!

->end of gibberish<-

OK...shit apart..

...this is how I looked at the start of this year...

...and this is how I look now...

...I hope I haven't changed much...

Oh..and this is how I sing (now you know why my blog is in the silent mode today!!)..well if Himesh can..so can I.. ^-^..yeah I know its unbearable..but hear it for my sake yaaron.. (I am expecting comments on this as well..):p..I know the recording is a little shity and the sound that you may hear in the background is the T.V coverage of Delhi Bomb-blasts. Yeah...I have been Indifferent lately..(23 years to be precise)..

Click Play

The song is But It Rained originally by Parikrama.
However unbearable my cover may be....do hear the original song, you people would love it. :)

P.S: If you were looking for an intellectual post...I am sorry to disappoint you. I have buried my intellect in a coffin...all that's left now..is an attention craving, self possessed lunatic...

Ahhh...Peace.
:D

When I did 'It' for the very first time

"Its never wise to cultivate your hopes until you are sure of what you are into"

It was a wonderful evening. Cool breeze frisking through my hairs. An agonizingly mysterious chill in the air was pointing at something inevitably exiting, waiting for me that day. That's when I saw her. She was moving as if her soul is in sync with some belle dancer, as if flying 'high'. Dressed in flashing dark red color with a shade of black. She had this hassle free, euphoric radiance..and moved so freely as if waiting to fall in someone's hands...waiting to just give in...made me smile.

She went right across my face as if inviting me, enticing me...I expanded my hands in her direction..and swiftly, she moved in. Juggling my hands across the string(s?). I was young. I was nervous. It was the first time I was holding her so closely. I always wondered how it would be when I'll do it for the first time. I used to have fantasies often. My face was dripping in anxiety and a chilly feeling was running through my spine. One wrong move and I would have screwed it all.

Tenderly pulling the string with my sweaty palms, pulling her closer...suddenly I realized there was no reel there with me. So I tied her, right there!! Rushed downstairs...

Have you ever wondered how all the inanimate objects seem to hide themselves whenever you need them the most? It took me an eternity to find that little piece of equipment.

"What if she unties herself...

she seems so high..

she needs me right now...
I need her rather...
I don't want this chance to escape my clutches...
She's mine..."

...I thought.

And just then everything in the store room seemed to have started singing happy songs in symphony...I had finally discovered 'it' after all...It was right in front of me...the reel of thread and 'maanja'...the 'Charkhi'

With the brightest of smile...a chuckle rather...I rushed back to the terrace...untied the thread from the antenna...She was still flying high...on her own. (the wind was pretty strong). I tied the loose end of the 'maanja' from my reel with the string...and..then...well you have got the drift.

That's how I learned to do it. My first, very first time...I flew a Kite on my own.




All right...hit me now.. :D

Insanity flows in...

I open my eyes and then close 'em again... and then I hope and then I open 'em again.. nah..no change..

Its said that when you are confused and and unable to make a decision close your eyes, loose yourself and let your sub-conscious decide. Now here is my question..what if my sub-conscious is in complete adherence with myself and stands with a smirk on its face and a confused emotion poking at me...of sorts?

When you are going nowhere...you are going nowhere! Let alone my subconscious even my super-conscious is equally amused at my present state of hysteria. I know I have been asking too many questions lately but then I have never been a great preacher, just a curious soul. Do you know whats my favorite posture? Arms wide open..looking up in the sky feeling the wind across my face..mind sans of thoughts, hearing, feeling, taking deep breaths, a wry smile on the face, taking hit after hit....BLANK....absorbing what the world has to offer.

Its said that your best comes when you are at your worst, pushed against the wall. I don't think its my worst yet...So bite me Oh...almighty....'coz I want to be at my best.

there goes the sanity, there goes regret...
this ain't the end...'coz I ain't smiling yet.

Feeling so bloody light

Right this very moment...All I want to do is:

Spread my arms...
Take a deep breath..
Close my eyes...
Float...


Not thinking...Empty-headed...I believe, its a momentary state of numbness...
Soaked with music...I feel like headbanging.. :)
Enjoy the music.

P.S: I am not on dope. :p

What the...

Some people are inspirational, some are hot..then there are the smooth talkers..and then..the attention grabbers...some are born leaders..some mysterious...some silent...there are preachers...people's favorites...some are artistic..creative..innovative...some are famous..some are fit, some are successful and some are plane lucky...(bastards) :p

Me..?? I am none...just an average Joe...and on top of that...I only JUST realized that...!!

and I just can't stop laughing at myself.

Fuck...!!:D

Maybe I should have a session of "self exploration"...LOL

And btw...nothing is wrong with me...I just feel humorously pathetic today. You know, when you realize...you are not doing great in life..you aspire to be Bon Jovi...and you end up being..well..no one..but you don't give a damn about it...and just can't stop laughing at yourself...that my mates is the eternal state of humorous pathetic ism.. ;)

Oh..and I'll be less weird the next time. Its hard to make sense these days. I may come up with a happy post even.. :D

P.S: I think I need a g.f or an iPOD.

The comeback post..?

Well then be it. I have been busy this past month. And I have been repeating this like a stuck record 'coz frankly I hate it. All the years in school and then college I did know that somewhere down the line this will be my destiny. A repeating, unexciting, monotonous routine...served in a platter right in front of me and I am hungry...so darn hungry that I eat coz I have to and not coz I want to..I hate to be driven..not being able to make my own calls. No I don't like my job. The only motivation throughout is the pay check that I arguably deserve by the end of the month.

Also this past month, I have fallen in love...brought myself up...then fallen in love again..maintaining composure has been tough..maybe I should stop using the word "love" so loosely. I have also realized that being taken for granted comes tied with being a happy face.

Also I am so sick of being single...where are all the good (single) women? Oh and I hate my running shoes as well, my guitar is eating dust...my social life is almost zero. I always look high because of the lack of proper sleep and I am truly frustrated. X(

I have also realized that I love complaining..and life minus that is...well barren..and so colorless for me.

And also..I just HAVE to write this for someone:

I know we are both right on our sides,

but you just see yours and I just see mine.

Banging our heads on both sides wont make things better..
So I offered you a peek into mine
hoping that I'll get one into yours..
but telling me you closed your doors for me way back..gives me only one impression...that you don't care...then give me one good reason..WHY SHOULD I?

Nothing to write..

Well actually...I have a lot to write...but not the time that I need. This here, is something that was asked at keshi's a few weeks back...I was also tagged by Cess and I feel so terrible that I din't have the time to do it.. :(.. I really want to do it Cess. Anyways...the most I miss is reading you people. I keep saying that and I mean it. some better time management and I'll be back writing.

For the time being here are my answers keshi :):

1.What is the one Thing someone has said(/done) to you that hurt your feelings the most?

There are many, but there is one recent one that I remember. I have a very dear friend, but we drifted apart about a year back. I won't say whose fault it was. I believe it was both of us. Recently I decided to patch up. Messaged her in my normal playful manner, asking her to guess my name. She couldn't, so I told her myself and then I got..

"Sorry, I don't know anyone named *my real name*"

My heart started sinking...I don't know why, but It did. We are talking now. But I am still not over it. On top of that, she also asked where I got her number from!!

Ain't it funny how things change. When you need someone the most, they are not there for you. Maybe when someone needed me, I was not there for them. Its all understandable. Still...it hurts.

2. What is the one Thing that most people won't guess about you?

That I am humble and friendly. My first impression is that I am rude and rowdy, which I am not. I take time to open up.

3. What is the one Mistake people most often make in relationships?

Expect.

4. What is the one Spice in your cupboard you seldom use but if you threw it away you think you may need it?

I use all the spices.

5. What is the one Thing you don't have that will increase your energy and reduce your stress?

Someone to be crazy about. Someone to think about all the time, someone to wait for breathlessly. Someone to pamper, someone to look at all the time...without saying a word. Someone to fall in love with...again and again...everyday. :)

6. What Is the one Reason you fail to lose(/gain) weight?

I don't think I need to gain/loose weight but I do need to get in better shape. But I rarely try. why? I am lazy. Do you know Garfield? Yes? Then you have an idea. No? You don't know Garfield? Where do you live? Greenland.? :p

7. What is the one Question that you should never ask a woman(/man)?

Women: Do you love me..? (LOL)

Men: Why are you single/what is your paycheck?

8. What is the one Thing (food/sweets/drinks etc) you can't say No to?

There is nothing I can't say no to. But there are a few things that I don't WANT to say no to, like...Lays, Chicken Curry, 'Sponge waale Rasgulle'.....and Appy Fizz.. :D...and Feast.

9. What is the one Thing that keeps growing as you use it, when all other things keep decreasing when used?

I sleep a lot, whenever I have time :D...hoping that I won't be that lazy all day long...but my laziness keeps on increasing.

10. What is the one Thing that you want your loved-ones to do when you die?

Remember me for what I was and not for what I wasn't. Miss me... :)

and oh I got awarded by Vicky bro and enchanted illusionz..Thanks...you people are such sweethearts..

Happy Diwali

There is chill in the air (which I am in love with)...festivity in the mood, brightening the moonless sky. Its nice to see so many happy faces at the same time.

Wishing you all a very very Happy Dipawali. :)

I'll be back real soon (I hope I haven't been forgotten yet).

Mocking the reality...

Perceiving the bits and pieces in me,
cursing my non-genuine insensitivity...

Everything you see, is not everything that I am..
Not wearing a mask, but being one myself.
You may not notice coz I am good at this..
oblivious to what lies underneath.

Its my life, these are my moves
Yes you won, maybe I just wanted to loose.
I may not be real, just a manipulation of myself
but sometimes even reality...

.....is not reality

and neither is the smile that I wear... :)

Why is it that at times crying heavily for 5 minutes amazingly eases your pain...more than being happy for a very long period?
Is shedding a tear more important than wearing a smile?
Why then do we keep saying that laughter is the best medicine, when we know for sure...that crying is the last resort...?

My week at office, the tag..and the celeb that I am

(The post is bloody long and I don't guarantee any entertainment. So continue at your own risk and discretion :p)

So...having to work is not really suiting me very well. I haven't been posting or reading anything this whole week. In fact I haven't been doing anything but sleep. I don't know how the hell you people manage it.. :D..I'll have 13 less hours everyday, if I add commuting time..to my work timings!!

The excitement to be in an OFFICE and that 'first job ever' experience scored over my unwillingness to work. I met a few new people as well...some interesting, some not so...and some good-looking ones as well (read: a b-e-a-utiful girl with big b-e-a-utiful eyes). Some people worth mentioning are...a guy AB, one VS and Big-foot. (yeah, initials and pun-y names. Straight from che's school of blogging.. :p). Why them?? Well you see AB knows 7 languages, has been a state level cricketer, been to Mumbai (WOWWW) has been a cricket commentator in his college days, has a heavy (fake) US accent and is really very boring+irritating. How do I know all this? Well he had the "courtesy" to let us know about his achievements. The boring+irritating part is the result of my analysis though. And ohh, did I mention there are about 3-4 close circuit cameras in every single room/lab in the office...so, no...I can't punch him on the nose.

VS on other hand is an IIM drop out who is going to leave office in a week (what?already?) for a different company. He seemed to be a nice guy..minus the fact that he is a bully. Well at least he tries to be one and also, who in the hell boasts the fact that he was kicked out of college after one year. Yes, it was IIM..but still..! He also seems to have this crush on that b-e-a-utiful person I have mentioned above. And that is reason enough for him to dislike me. (I'll explain this part later).

Now then, Big-foot. The name says it all. The guy is about 6 feet 4 inches tall and have shoulder length hairs (reminds me of mine :-( )...and is quite BIG, looks kinda cool though. The only thing I keep wondering is that how the hell is he supposed to walk through the long corridor to the lab where the ceiling is just a few inches lower than his own height..!! and also he looks kinda scared of me..why the hell does he talk like a small sheep..?? The size of Khali, the voice of Manmohan..!! Ain't that a deadly combination now...?

All others in my batch seemed normal to me and I made a few friends too (surprise surprise).. :)

Now about the big eyed gal. Lets call her umm..the girl. So, No she is not HOT...but has those beautiful eyes that make me wanna say "Oh I always wanted to be an eye specialist" (cheeky eh..?). There was a certain eye contact on many occasions and a lot of smiling on the last day. Oh I am in love..(again?) for the zillionth time. There is a twist though. From Mondays her timings are going to be different. I'll need luck to even be able to SEE her and I have obviously not talked to her yet, despite the GOD send brilliant opportunity that I had. Did I by the way tell you that I have always been blessed with GOD send opportunities all those zillion times. But my callousness to blessings raised to the occasion and history was repeated and we are yet to be introduced yet.. :(

So thats pretty much it. Office sounds a lot like college to me now.

THE TAG

And the rainboy..V (not the channel) tagged me with the movie tag. So finally I have my first official tag. No pity tags..no forced ones. This my friends is my first pure tag.. :D

So my all time favorite movies...(can't limit any answer to numbers, so there are many)

Hindi:

Jane bhi do yaron
Rang De Basanti
Golmaal
Jo Jita Wohi Sikandar
RHTDM
Chupke Chupke (older one)
The Burning Train
Tare Zameen Pe

English:

Shawshank Redemption
The Prestige
Ratatouille
The pursuit of happyness
Donnie Darko
Pulp Fiction
8 Mile (Being an Eminem fan)
The Bourne series
The Dark Knight
Blood Diamond
The Departed

One movie that i recommend as a must see

The Shawshank Redemption, The Departed.

One and only one movie that i have seen many times (TV doesnt count)

None..The most times I watch a movie in a theater is ONCE..in all cases :)

If T.V does count..then there must be a tie between RHTDM...The matrix and Godzilla.

Which movie comes to your mind when i say funniest?

Hera Pheri (Hindi) and Harold and Kumar (English)

Which movie made you really emotional?

Rang De Basanti, Wednesday, Titanic, The pursuit of Happyness.

Which movie series was as interesting as the first part?

The Jason Bourne Series (Bourne Identity, Bourne Supremacy, Bourne Ultimatum)

Which movie according to you didn't live up to your expectations?

Hancock, Eragon.

Which movie surprised you?

The Sixth Sense, The Dark Knight.

Now its time I tag someone..right..? So I tag..the inspirational Nidhi, the everpopuler Keshi, the devil (self acclaimed) Divkiran, the studded masterpiece Mayz, the poet Enchanted Illusionz, and Sana (the cutest one ^-^).

And now, ME THE CELEB (click to enlarge):

Suggest a caption.

Kinky..eh..?? :D

Finally I have Garfield...and he loves me too. Hehe..

That's not distant ;)

O yeah..keep on drooling, ladies.. :p

Again..Suggest a Caption.
Hellbent?
Lemme Out of the the box...please!!

P.S: You hear the song...? Its dedicated to The Girl. Ohh I am in love....again...

And did I forget to mention that AB has been in a HUMMER once...(WOWW again.. o-O)

The ordinary, the rebel...and the extraordinary..

Random, weird theory on the 'living' and the choices that they make.

When we are born we are all in the same spot of bother...worried, anxious and nervous...looking for support and appreciation.

As we grow old, we start differing. Our lives start deviating from the general course depending on the hierarchy of choices that we make. Every decision that we take has consequences. Even an indecision is a decision. On one hand we have our passion/dreams...on the other...pressure, expectations and responsibilities...rising, with each accomplishment...tightening the grip year after year...as we grow old, creating imbalance.

The Ordinary...succumbs to the pressure...suffocating the dreamer that is inside, passions and hopes soon follow...these are the people who make SACRIFICES..

The rebel...Questions, is stubborn and unwilling to bow down to any expectations but his own. Unfazed, intolerant to the world around him...These are the ones who take RISKS.

The Extra-ordinary...They balance...the left and the right...the wrong and the correct. These are the people who fulfill their expectations and live their passions...they don't need to be perfect...just need to be passionate in their imperfections. These are the ones who strike the right BALANCE.

And then there are those confused souls...not sure of what they are after...their dreams or their responsibilities. Swaying one side and then the other. Never still. But on the verge of making a CHOICE....

P.S: I usually think before I post. This one is an exception. For once I have done some justice to the description of my blog. Its almost the gibberish fresh from my cerebrum. Its not necessary that this will make sense to all. Forgive me for that. :)

The Tag(uitar).. :D..!!

I was recently tagged by Nidhi to do the desktop picture tag. In fact she made a new post to tag me coz (so sweet of you Nidhi) she hadn’t done that in the original one. So, again its not pure tagging…but if you know how I forced a tag upon myself through Mr. Mayz the last time around, I am only moving forward. :D

So here it is then…this is how my desktop has looked for last 3 weeks:

Yes…its obvious that I love Guitars, the sound of it and the feel of holding it in my hands. I am not a great player. But my guitar, for a long time has been something that has soothed my pains and faded my worries. Whenever I have felt like thinking too much. I just sit down…strumming.

I don’t have an electric myself..but my acoustic is enough to keep me alive (the pic on the right is my Givson Venus Special) :)I dream to go big one day…at least good enough to play the music thats in my mind. There is always music in my mind…GIGs…leads…and so much but I can’t play them. Well, given the kind of music I “think” of…It’ll take some years..and some serious practicing as well. I don’t have that kind of crazy skills YET. But someday, yes…someday……

Till then…I am happy just POSING..

P.S: I have an interview today. Wish me luck..

P.S.S: All images are larger then they are visible here. Click to enlarge them ..Duhuh..and the songs that you hear playing...(If you haven't paused them already) are some of the greatest guitar leads ever. :)

The cat...and the awards...!!

Do you like cats? I do. Do you hate dogs...I do..!! No, not the puppies, the full grown canines. I hate them specially the stray kinds...why...?? Well simply because I don't understand why those furry little bastards attack these furry little angels. Whats the point? They don't eat them!!..then..??why..? I know cats hunt mice..but they eat them. Its no point in killing someone and not eating it!! Its unnatural...!! Incidentally, only dogs and humans kill for recreational purposes.

Anyways, this was all going through my mind while I was shopping for snacks. I knew Mom wouldn't allow me to have one in the house. A puppy would be fine by the way..huh. So on the way back, I kneeled down to scrub its neck and for the first time..it meowed..as if asking me to give it a ride to my place :d I couldn't resist..so I picked it up. It clanged on to my tee with its miniatures claws and kept meowing all the way.

Earlier, I had seen it on the way to the market. On the side of the road. It was snuggling itself in a small ball of fur!! I reached to touch it and it offered no resistance. There was a dog eying it a few yards across. I had to throw a few things to make it run away. The kitten was only a few days old.

As I reached home, my mom had that look of 'awe' + a hidden smile somewhere + a stern 'NO YOU CAN'T KEEP IT' written all over her face. Yes I deciphered all that. Incidentally, I am a good face-reader, at least thats what I believe. Nevertheless, I put it down on the floor and it crawled underneath my leg. sitting there with its tail wrapped around its body. It was shivering. I tried to amplify the 'hidden smile' part on my mother's face and she resisted. A few seconds and zillion requests later, she asked me to leave it where I had seen it. In middle of the road, in front of the "I kill adorable cats" dog..? I asked if there was any milk.. Mom: "You are not feeding..it..and it looks exactly like the last one".

Yes there was a "last one" it would come daily to have some milk, play a little bit and then leave. It died a year and half back. (Hunted down by those stray bastards) I have been asked sternly not to tame any cats ever since...because...allegedly the last one brought bad luck. Last year and a half has been so bad..that I just can't argue with that reasoning despite the fact that I don't believe in it.

So I finally gave up and took it back. I havn't talked straight to my Mom since. Its harsh coz we are practically the only people left to each other. But yes...I like hurting people especially the ones that I care about...coz in turn watching them get hurt...hurts me..so its an indirect technique to hurt myself. I am not a psychopath but yes, I like hurting myself.

P.S: My Mother may just have the last laugh...coz she made my fav meal today and I almost gave up the "I am not talking" emotion.. :D

In other news: One of my friends jumped off from a water tank about five feet from ground, bare-feet...on solid ground. He is currently draped in a blanket, like a cocoon and his both feet are swollen. Yes, I have a weird taste in friends. Which also reminds me of a generous lady who has..given me two b-e-a-u-tiful awards. Frankly speaking, she was the only hope for me getting any...and she sure is a savior....Thanks Preeti..mwuaaaazzz.. :)

So...here I have...

The I love you blogger award:I pass it on to Keshi and Philic.
and the rockstar one:
I pass this one on to Mayz, Keshi and Che (at least you look like one)

And because I can't give any of these back to you Preeti and I don't have any others, I have invented one eXclusively for you. Here it is then..

It sure is for you ;)

Living on the edge, in hope...

Off late I have been having more than my fair share of technical difficulties. First I was disconnected from the world when my phone died, leaving me with a useless broadband terminal and then when I was just getting back in the groove, my SMPS went berserk. The inability to get my system ON pisses me OFF even more than a one-off lame incident like the one in the previous post. In short the RAHU and KETU of my computer were pretty heavy this fortnight.. :D

Anyways, I went to buy a new SMPS today and spent the whole day at a friend's place. When I came back home in the evening, all chirpy, I entered my house. The first thing that I heard was... "An Autorikshaw has just exploded in Gaffar...possibly it was a CNG cylinder explosion"

I went on in my cynic self, fitting the SMPC in the cabinet of my CPU at the same time... "Ya...and they say CNG is bloody safe" Next thing I heard...breaking news... "Blast no. 2,3,4,5"

...bloody fuck...was I shocked..?? No...not more than my mother to say the least. She went on... "Kya haal ho gaya hai..ghar se nikalna bhi safe nahi hai ab to..!!"

I was just watching...with a cold, stern face...simultaneously fitting the SMPS as if it doesn't effect me. Not a single sign of emotional distress. A single frown..?? No...nothing. I was cold, I still am.

Explosions with sickening regularity and the live media coverage which (the media) by the way has no sense of explicitness...has somehow possibly killed the explosion-sensitive emotion in me...I had that "Ya its a daily affair" look on my face. Am I a victim too...?? Probably yes..may be the hidden agenda they conspire on us is the cold hearted acceptance of an outrageously unsafe society, vulnerable to chaos. Am I the only one to succumb to this numb-ification...? or am I just one amongst the millions...? Are these explosions the only contributors...?

People die under bloody Bluelines these days...some have BMWs and the license to kill as well. The value of life is diminishing.

There is no law...there is no order...We live in hope...hope of...?

On the wall.. X(

Its 3:30 in the morning, I am still awake as usual, being the insomniac blood sucking monstrous vampire that I am (If you don't call a guy with extended canines, tendency to wake up all night and inability to cope with the minimalistic of sunlight or any bright light for crying out loud...a vampire...you need your basics redone...!! ). Its almost full moon, maybe it IS full moon and strong breeze is flowing across my house...right through the front door. Lovely eh..?? No Sire no!!

As I was strumming the strings on my G, so slow and so low making sure that my mom...in the next room...or my neighbors in the next apartment don't get the feel of the chords. Feeling the soothing breeze right across my face, I heard something, some water...sprinkling outside in a familiar rhythmic pattern and that's when the beauty of the night was sabotaged...

(caution: the following part of this post is a gross and disgusting description of an extremely horrendous act of abomination. I am posting this..because it may prevent me from murdering someone in abhorrence tonight)

My subconscious pointed acutely at just one act that results in similar rhythmic pattern. With all faith in the Almighty and hoping that I was wrong, I rose up, walked to the front door and to my disbelief, I was right. I saw a lame asshole having a pee (yes you read it right) at the wall about 20 yards away from my home. Well it wasn't that shocking after all. I had concluded it from the sound itself. The breeze was not in my favor after all...eh?? All I was hoping for (I wasn't getting it, just hoping) was a cup of coffee, chocolate powder sprinkled on it and the aroma...mmmmm...!!! And what did I get..?..PEE FRAGRANCE...!! For a second or two, I was stoned..

"room freshener...room freshener..." I thought, "no wait...lemme get a brick. Its only 20 yards, maybe I can have a good shot.."

Now I ain't Abhinav Bindra, but hey...a brick in place of a bullet...an empty head in place of a circled target...odds favored me!! I don't think it was righteous, but I just had all the anger control mechanisms in tact. (Damn it!!)

Incidentally a 'not so decent' family has just moved in at rent in an apartment right across mine. I think they have around seven people adjusted in 2 rooms (India for you ). So instead of asking others in the family to give him way (yes they sleep like people on the streets do), to go to the toilet, he took the Einstein-ic decision to take a pee...right outside. What am I gonna do about it...?? Nothing. I can't shout at him, at this hour in the night...Heck, I can't dare open my mouth, I'll die in disgust.

So, I have just closed the wooden gate and my window for now, so that I am insulated from the pee radiation. My night is done for, I have a cloud of room freshener around my head and I feel like strangulating that guy, obviously after ripping his hairs off his scalp, bashing his head against the same 'pee GRAFFITI-ified' wall.

The Root...

Once upon a time (when cable network was an outcry and kite flying as popular as cricket) there was this young guy. By young I mean...well..he was a kid..09-10 years old. He used to spend his holidays at his granny's place. His aunt (mother's sister) used to give tutions to little kids, mostly younger then himself. He was sometimes forced to take time out of usual nothingness (which he used to enjoy at that time) to teach those kids at times too. That's how he came to know Gina. She was a year younger and friendly and needless to say a very sweet girl (most children at that age are..!!). Once after the tuition was over this girl asked the guy's aunt if she can take the guy to her house for some time..to play maybe..? The aunt had to inevitably agree, given the nuisance that guy was. The guy was a little (this is a metaphor) shy. So he had to be pushed...and pulled..Well..Gina was pulling and aunty was pushing.."arey chala jaa...!!"

Fine. They started the journey. As they crossed the first block of houses, the familiarity of the neighborhood vanished, nervous jitters started bumbling inside the young tummy of this guy of ours. Gina's home suddenly started to seem a light year away. As they entered Gina's locality the guy started noticing the weird stares coming from the unknown faces on both sides of the street...He thought...

"so much attention, why don't I melt into nothingness this right moment. God please let me out of this situation I will eat bhindi for two weeks..!!"

Gina who was walking ahead in the meanwhile had managed to miss the hysteria on his face and kept talking just the way she had all this while.

"This is my locality, my house is just two blocks away...thats my school, thats my friend's house..BLAH BLAH."

Somehow it all converted into gibberish as it hit the ear drums of our nervous young guy.

That's when the most cowardly act of the millennium took place...he snapped...freed his hand took a U-turn and started running back. He had not the stomach to look back but he could imagine the "Oh my God..what happened" look on Gina's face..(maybe he heard that statement as well). But nothing could stop him. He ran back to the Granny's house. What happened afterward is not more important than the fact that he never saw Gina's face again. How could he. He was so embarrassed. He didn't know what she felt about the whole situation. He was still confused himself. His poor little brain could not contemplate the simplest of reasons for that super act of cowardliness.

As he turns old he flushes that part of his life somewhere down the drains in his cerebrum. But a slight reminder of that incident answered the only question he has been asking throughout his life...

"that is it then...that is the root of all the problems...that's where it all started."

As to the question: why...?

Well, simply because he was scared of attention...and affection from unexpected quarters. He still is...just adding on to that list...he is now scared of commitment as well.

All this while it never occurred to him, what the plight of Gina must have been. Stranded in middle of the street, a guy running in the opposite direction as if he was being abducted. The stares must have shifted the focus at that point in time. She was just a little girl...! He doesn't know where Gina is now. He doesn't know how she is...but from the core of his heart he wishes to say:

"I am sorry Gina. Sorry for being so stupid."

Moved..!!

Well this now is the first original post on this blog as all the previous ones are the 'link previews' to the posts from the previous one. Why did I move...?? Well I have many reasons. The most important being the ability to design things exactly the way I want them to be. Also the fact that finally I can have music enabled here. Wordpress is nice..and neat...but limited. I had to quit it someday.

So here I am, closer to most of you, right in the neighbourhood. :)

P.S: Lemme know if you like the look of this blog now. I have designed each and every bit of it. :)

In Hibernation(post from previous blog)

I have not been posting anything for quite sometime and will not be doing that for some more days as well. Have been sick this week and as I started to recover, my phone died on me. So I will be living without an Internet connection for 3-4 days…..probably more. I have a lot to write. In fact I have two unfinished posts in the queue… :(

I hope BSNL will have pity on me. Till then, I’ll be missing reading your blogs…and writing on mine… :(

Hope to come back on line soon…Adios..!! :)

Happy with my share of Independence (post from previous blog)

As it comes out of an intellectual conversation with one of my friends, I am a certified non-patriot now. Incidentally I have somehow lagged behind in doing my bit for the nation as I have not been forwarding the oh so patriotic SMS’s to my friends. I have to thank that friend for this realization.

Maybe the rush of blood and that unadulterated euphoria that comes with the slightest of proud national moments are old school techniques to show that I am a patriot. Frankly, I don’t need to show if I care. Sitting inside my house with a stomach full of delicacies and with a computer and the Internet (24 X 7 connectivity) right in front of me, does my say matter? Obviously I am proud of my nation and happy with the freedom that comes to me…as a birth right.

Maybe someone living under a torn piece of cloth…calling it a shelter, fighting for his/her basic rights to survive will have a better say in this. I have no right to define independence but for me its never complete until every such man can feel what true independence is. A lot has to be done, much lesser to be said or written.

Just for the record, I do nothing. Being the hippocrate that I am, I find my glory in patriot (izing) my image in an image editor.

Nonetheless…I am proud…

Happy Sixty first…

Sinks in oblivion the real meaning
epiphany is awaited…
‘coz the day each feels it for themselves
shall be the day of independence.

Forgotten by each political intellect,
The flame has dimmed a little…
but the revolution ain’t over yet,
Just one phase of it…

Finally I am (not so) tagged..!(post from previous blog)

Ahem Ahem, well a week long silence due to some unexplainable circumstances (I give you four words.. L,A,Z,Y, try all combinations) and the fact that I have never been tagged in the relatively dwarf time-span of my blog and my uncanny excitement to do one of those fun tags, resulted in a thought process.

It went on somewhat like this “Hey getting tagged is a far-cry for a new-blog infant like me, so why not ask someone to TAG me, myself !!” Obviously the person will find it hard to turn down such a harmless, and pity full “tag-me request”. So I executed the PLAN on a fellow blogger who is a few blog years older than me and as a result he officially tagged me to do this.

The tag is fun so here I have it courtesy Mr. mayz.

Rules:
1. Put Your iTunes/ music player on Shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT!!! After you’ve answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people and then let them know they’ve been tagged to do the meme themselves.

Here are the answers:

- IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
Papercut-Linkin park – Haha..quite true indeed..!!

- WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Outside–Staind –Hain hun hain..?? Take me in, damn it..I ain’t an alien..!

- WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL ?
Heaven’s a lie-Lacuna Coil – I like people who are down to earth, are practical and REAL!…and its all starting to make sense now..!

- HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Broken-Seether Ft. Amy Lee – Not really..!

- WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
The howling-Within Temptation – So I am a bloody wolf…eh??

- WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
To be loved-Paparoach – err..true…but how the hell do they know…?..and my Winamp..?? DAMN I am busted !!

- WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
By Myself-Evanescence – :O..Not true.

- WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? WHAT IS 2+2?
Epiphany-Staind –^-^..huh..I try to..!!

- WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Its not over-Chris Daughtry– Hmm…a moment of epiphany maybe…It strikes right for my old best friend..maybe..he still is…!

- WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Points of Authority-Linkin Park – I like people with authority. Not over me though.

- WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Deny-Default –Umm..well if it means I keep denying certain things..Its true..not the other way around though..!

- WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
One step closer-Linkin Park–to the edge?..dunno what to say..but its kind of true..!

- WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Happy-Mudvayne – hehe..Its trivial..!(smart music player I have in here)

- WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Sick and Tired-Default – Really don’t know what to say to that!!! Winamp you retard..!

- WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Crash-Paparoach – I refuse to be victim, I refuse to be a slave??? My wedding in done for…!!

- WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
In the End-Linkin Park – :o..what the..? I am not making this up..seriously..!!

- WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
If everyone cared-Nickleback –What to say..hear the song…Its fitting..!

- WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Somebody’s me-Enrique Eglasias – It isn’t a secret..!! She knows..my friends know..her friends know..

- WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Fade-Staind –That is not true.

- WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
Ring my bells-Enrique Eglasias – bahahaha..wdf..? does that make any sense..?!!

- WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS TAG?
Choices-Mudvayne-Yes I had choices. I could have done any other tag but I liked this one..!

I tag nobody because, seriously…am I allowed to?

P.S: I did this tag twice just for sheer amusement. The answers you see here are from the first time but for two questions I got the same songs both the times..for the last question (choices)..and for the funeral one.. (In the end)..!! My winamp is smart..!!:)

Claustrophobic..(post from previous blog)

Maybe I don’t belong
but I don’t care anymore.
I may fail…but I wont change…

May be inside I know…
I m Indifferent to Ur sacred shades…
But I don’t need your honor…I have mine…

Maybe I too pretend.
But I am not as good as you,
at least I make sure,
I make sure you know…

what I feel…coz what I feel is what i say…
maybe inside I suffocate,
suffocate as hell..
But you don’t care…I know that as well.

Why is it that sometimes the closest of the people around you find it so difficult to comprehend something that even a distant onlooker may notice with the slightest of difficulties. Do they tend to overlook or is it just too trivial to react. Why is it that you have to say things despite them being the hardest to say.

Why are people so bloody adamant on CHANGING you…?
Or then…is it just me..!!?

The chronicles of Scooto GP…!!(post from previous blog)

If you have somehow read how my first driving lesson went, you must have probably figured out my brilliant driving instincts. I finished my driving lessons quite some time back. Now it was time to get my permanent driving license and for that I had to visit the local RTO. It was two days back. I had company, my friend Swap who had actually managed to borrow a Scooter so that we can complete the journey unruffled despite the season of Kawariyas..!!

The Description:

Distance: 30Kms (15 up..15 down..)
Vehicle: LML Vespa | 4 Gears | (God knows how old)
Senario: Half of the route had traffic diverged into one lane because of the kawariyas..!! It was the first time I was driving a Scooter, that too on a heavily populated road.

It went on somewhat like this:

10:40 A.M-The start was good. I managed to start the scooter after 7-8 tries. Though a few meters down, I had to repeat the drill but as we thrive on team work, Swap elegantly came off the scooter and kick started it so that I don’t have to come off myself. You can imagine the sight of two grownups teaming up to start a vintage scooter…

Me: Kick Swap Kick…harder harder..!!
Swap: It will help if you twist a little..the accelerator that is..!!

10:45 A.M-The highway was heavily crowded. There was a detour at my discretion but I preferred being in middle of the action. So, I was straightaway on the GT Road and was driving on the edge of my seat, consciously and hesitant as if I had a chihuahua under my butt. The traffic was converged to single lane as the other lane was crowded by walking Kawariyas. There it was then , the first Traffic Light on the route of Chaos. It looked as if all the vehicles had somehow got sucked into a whirl hole as all of them seemed to converge into one point. I also remember the Police barricades placed strategically allowing only just about one two-wheeler to pass through, which was actually beyond the understanding of an average human ..because at an average 2.7 vehicles were jostling to pass by those creeks of redemption. I managed to get that 0.7 of the space and almost hit a person who was out on noon walk in middle of the Grand Trunk road at such times of traffic catastrophe. He somehow managed to moon walk past the path of destruction though.

10:50 A.M-I had gone through the creeks of redemption but only to get right in the most challenging part of the journey. I was flowing with the traffic…automatte !! I had my moments of glory, moving faster than the average traffic, overtaking others most of the times…much to the delight of my driver alter ego, also known as Valentino Rossi. I also learned how irritating can Swap be with his commentary. I crossed the Hindon river and upfront was the awkward Meerut turn which marked the end of shared lane driving. Next I was driving like a Prison break criminal, as there would be no tomorrow.

10:55 A.M-I learned two important lessons:

1. Joy is momentary…even on the road.

Just as I started feeling the breeze in my hairs I was reminded of the fact that I am living in a fast developing NCR city. The road was reduced to half the width due to ongoing construction of a fly over, which is meant to reduce the traffic woes in the first place…Duh..!!

2.When you are in slow moving traffic…and your both feet are down for balancing…AND your front breaks are dead…you either shout it out loud or deal with the wrath of the furious driver whose car you just hit.

At that moment I resorted on Gandhigiri…especially the “bura mat suno” part.

11:15 A.M-We reached the RTO, safe and sound impervious to the fact that we were missing the helmets on our heads, Insurance papers for the vehicle and I don’t remember any pollution check sticker either. It was only then that we realized…we were missing the RC of the vehicle as well. Bravo…!

11:20 A.M-We double checked our documents and got ourselves the Form no. 4. And yet again a moment of realization..we didn’t know the registration no. of the scooter as well..(So many realizations that day I think I am done for the week.).

12:01 P.M-Done with the procedure which I would rather keep under the wraps. We were heading out of the office and just then we were reminded to get our learner’s licensed copied so that we don’t go back..unlicensed..!! Yes we needed a reminder..!! We headed back to the scooter, did our routine team start-up and off we were on the route back.

12:05 P.M-We were back on the road. Swap was feeling a little sleepy. The thumb on my left hand was hurting a little and that’s when I saw the most horrendous little blister that I have ever got in my life (I was not used to shifting gears in a scooter).

Why is it that these little injuries only start hurting once you have SEEN them? It defies all logic and biology. What exactly were my neurons doing before I actually SAW it..? Its like…You see it and right THERE, your neurons drop their beer bottles, hide their iPods…”Oh F*** he saw it…back to work mates…!!” And just to make up for that lack of work they become absolutly hyper-active…and it hurts more than it probably should…!!

This little realization was by the way enough for Swap to give up his sleeping plans.

12:40 P.M-We were back. The journey was over….I am a better driver now.
By the way, I managed to drop that imaginary chihuahua somewhere on the route. I hope he died well. R.I.P…(I used to call him Nish).

If you are wondering whats with the Time line..Here is the original inspiration..!!

Of the week that had rain, cold and Hancock.(post from previous blog)

I have Just posted the longest blog that I have ever typed yet. *Phew*

I wonder if it covers up for the whole week of non-writing. Just like I wonder if I can take the whole week’s medicine all at once..which reminds me of the terrible cold that I have caught up on occurrence of the slightest of drizzle. *sneezes* :-( …and this cold was enough for shattering some of my plans. Damned virus...

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Please prefer your brain…over your gadgets.(post from previous blog)

A casual conversation between two scientists:

A:”I have got an IQ level of 180..!!”
B:”I have a 4 Terra flop super computer…beat that…!!”

What kind are you…?
Oh wait you are not even a scientist (as if i am one..!!)...

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How lazy can it get then…!!(post from previous blog)

Well…It has been long since I wrote, In fact I haven’t been online for the whole last week. I mean, I have just logged in to check my mails and went off. It would have taken a natural disaster to take me off for so long for the kind of surfer that I am. But then I have simmered down in past few months in manners more than one. It was more of a technical disaster this time...

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My first driving lesson.(post from previous blog)

Alright before you start picturing me as a cute little punkish 16 year old teenager and rush to the supermarket to get me a racing CAP…I should let you know..that I am 22 and yes I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE A CAR…YET. If thats not amusing enough…I don’t have a driving license either. And for those who think its obvious not to have a DL when you don’t know how to drive…come… VISIT INDIA and have your logics redefined…

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Here goes my first blog…!! (post from previous blog)

Oh well, so finally…i give up.I have been thinking of coming out with my own website for some long time now, but the busy schedule and my lazy instincts have made me realize that its still a distant thing.Its too hard for me to take time out of my busy schedule (which includes sleeping, watching T.V,cribbing about life…

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A little about me

As the name suggest its basically a junkyard for all the gibberish that pops out of my brain, mix of me and my thoughts. Its going to be chaotically random as my thought process jumps across a wide variety of domains. So its hard for me to follow a constant theme.

A little about me then:

Have you ever seen those little squirrels in the garden...hopping from one stone to another..climbing a tree..running like crazy all around...possibly thinking...what to do...and just a second after they have it figured out...they start thinking what ELSE to do now...??

Well you are getting a little insight on me then...!! ;)

The one thing (and the only one) I am really good in is...starting something new...loosing interest mid-way...and wondering what else shall I be doing now...!!

But wait don't read too much into the squirrels analogy now..coz you see, the thing is that squirrels are fast...really fast...!! My life would be twice as easier, if I was even half as fast as they are...!!

Maybe when the Almighty send me to earth...he send me with the 'I WANT TO DO EVERYTHING' mode on...with the OFF switch broken...and just for fun...he decided to send only the DEMO version...with all functionalities visible...but only a few WORKING...!! Now believe me or not, I have been trying to find the crack..key...or whatever makes me running...!!...but GOD ain't no Microsoft...and the crack is nowhere to be found...!!

So here it goes...little me..trying to conquer the world...!! :D

....Zubin Saxena