Damn the 08..!!

For last few years, the year 2008 has had this reputation of being the most crucial year of my life, a dawn of a new era. By the end of this year though..I can say it quite safely, it was the worst of 'em all...as if the night itself has elongated the hours of darkness...

Heard this in a movie yesterday...."I could have saved them if it wasn't for you..!!"

Maybe he would still be here if it wasn't for me?...or at least I should have told him..how much I loved...now I can only hope that he knew that already...he deserved to know...I wish..I just wish for once in my life, I could turn back in time...If I could set things right...If I can erase the guilt...the regret. But somethings are bound to be with you..for a lifetime.

It took me an eternity to write the above-mentioned. I have never been this weak...or maybe I have never known myself this well. I typed...and then I held my head in my hands...I typed and then I held my head in my hands again...and then maybe I cried a bit...

Heck with that..I'll be stronger. Nah..its not a resolution...I have ought to be...don't have any other option. I'll also remember this year as the year I graduated...the year my career would/(should?) have taken off. But then, anticipation is the death of joy.

We expect the joyous notion to reside with us and start taking it for granted, when it already is there with us. When we have what we crave for, we are happy...but not as much as we should have been and when we are not happy...we obviously are not...!!

Lets stop taking happiness for granted.

->gibberish: would not make sense to most<-

Anticipation: I should have..I want...will have it...I have it now...joy: happy? nah..I have it 'coz I deserved it..!!

.............Anticipation: I don't have it...should have had it...joy: happy? nah I deserved it..and I still don't have it!!

->end of gibberish<-

OK...shit apart..

...this is how I looked at the start of this year...

...and this is how I look now...

...I hope I haven't changed much...

Oh..and this is how I sing (now you know why my blog is in the silent mode today!!)..well if Himesh can..so can I.. ^-^..yeah I know its unbearable..but hear it for my sake yaaron.. (I am expecting comments on this as well..):p..I know the recording is a little shity and the sound that you may hear in the background is the T.V coverage of Delhi Bomb-blasts. Yeah...I have been Indifferent lately..(23 years to be precise)..

Click Play

The song is But It Rained originally by Parikrama.
However unbearable my cover may be....do hear the original song, you people would love it. :)

P.S: If you were looking for an intellectual post...I am sorry to disappoint you. I have buried my intellect in a coffin...all that's left now..is an attention craving, self possessed lunatic...

Ahhh...Peace.
:D

Insanity flows in...

I open my eyes and then close 'em again... and then I hope and then I open 'em again.. nah..no change..

Its said that when you are confused and and unable to make a decision close your eyes, loose yourself and let your sub-conscious decide. Now here is my question..what if my sub-conscious is in complete adherence with myself and stands with a smirk on its face and a confused emotion poking at me...of sorts?

When you are going nowhere...you are going nowhere! Let alone my subconscious even my super-conscious is equally amused at my present state of hysteria. I know I have been asking too many questions lately but then I have never been a great preacher, just a curious soul. Do you know whats my favorite posture? Arms wide open..looking up in the sky feeling the wind across my face..mind sans of thoughts, hearing, feeling, taking deep breaths, a wry smile on the face, taking hit after hit....BLANK....absorbing what the world has to offer.

Its said that your best comes when you are at your worst, pushed against the wall. I don't think its my worst yet...So bite me Oh...almighty....'coz I want to be at my best.

there goes the sanity, there goes regret...
this ain't the end...'coz I ain't smiling yet.

What the...

Some people are inspirational, some are hot..then there are the smooth talkers..and then..the attention grabbers...some are born leaders..some mysterious...some silent...there are preachers...people's favorites...some are artistic..creative..innovative...some are famous..some are fit, some are successful and some are plane lucky...(bastards) :p

Me..?? I am none...just an average Joe...and on top of that...I only JUST realized that...!!

and I just can't stop laughing at myself.

Fuck...!!:D

Maybe I should have a session of "self exploration"...LOL

And btw...nothing is wrong with me...I just feel humorously pathetic today. You know, when you realize...you are not doing great in life..you aspire to be Bon Jovi...and you end up being..well..no one..but you don't give a damn about it...and just can't stop laughing at yourself...that my mates is the eternal state of humorous pathetic ism.. ;)

Oh..and I'll be less weird the next time. Its hard to make sense these days. I may come up with a happy post even.. :D

P.S: I think I need a g.f or an iPOD.

The Tag(uitar).. :D..!!

I was recently tagged by Nidhi to do the desktop picture tag. In fact she made a new post to tag me coz (so sweet of you Nidhi) she hadn’t done that in the original one. So, again its not pure tagging…but if you know how I forced a tag upon myself through Mr. Mayz the last time around, I am only moving forward. :D

So here it is then…this is how my desktop has looked for last 3 weeks:

Yes…its obvious that I love Guitars, the sound of it and the feel of holding it in my hands. I am not a great player. But my guitar, for a long time has been something that has soothed my pains and faded my worries. Whenever I have felt like thinking too much. I just sit down…strumming.

I don’t have an electric myself..but my acoustic is enough to keep me alive (the pic on the right is my Givson Venus Special) :)I dream to go big one day…at least good enough to play the music thats in my mind. There is always music in my mind…GIGs…leads…and so much but I can’t play them. Well, given the kind of music I “think” of…It’ll take some years..and some serious practicing as well. I don’t have that kind of crazy skills YET. But someday, yes…someday……

Till then…I am happy just POSING..

P.S: I have an interview today. Wish me luck..

P.S.S: All images are larger then they are visible here. Click to enlarge them ..Duhuh..and the songs that you hear playing...(If you haven't paused them already) are some of the greatest guitar leads ever. :)

A little about me

As the name suggest its basically a junkyard for all the gibberish that pops out of my brain, mix of me and my thoughts. Its going to be chaotically random as my thought process jumps across a wide variety of domains. So its hard for me to follow a constant theme.

A little about me then:

Have you ever seen those little squirrels in the garden...hopping from one stone to another..climbing a tree..running like crazy all around...possibly thinking...what to do...and just a second after they have it figured out...they start thinking what ELSE to do now...??

Well you are getting a little insight on me then...!! ;)

The one thing (and the only one) I am really good in is...starting something new...loosing interest mid-way...and wondering what else shall I be doing now...!!

But wait don't read too much into the squirrels analogy now..coz you see, the thing is that squirrels are fast...really fast...!! My life would be twice as easier, if I was even half as fast as they are...!!

Maybe when the Almighty send me to earth...he send me with the 'I WANT TO DO EVERYTHING' mode on...with the OFF switch broken...and just for fun...he decided to send only the DEMO version...with all functionalities visible...but only a few WORKING...!! Now believe me or not, I have been trying to find the crack..key...or whatever makes me running...!!...but GOD ain't no Microsoft...and the crack is nowhere to be found...!!

So here it goes...little me..trying to conquer the world...!! :D

....Zubin Saxena