The ordinary, the rebel...and the extraordinary..

Random, weird theory on the 'living' and the choices that they make.

When we are born we are all in the same spot of bother...worried, anxious and nervous...looking for support and appreciation.

As we grow old, we start differing. Our lives start deviating from the general course depending on the hierarchy of choices that we make. Every decision that we take has consequences. Even an indecision is a decision. On one hand we have our passion/dreams...on the other...pressure, expectations and responsibilities...rising, with each accomplishment...tightening the grip year after year...as we grow old, creating imbalance.

The Ordinary...succumbs to the pressure...suffocating the dreamer that is inside, passions and hopes soon follow...these are the people who make SACRIFICES..

The rebel...Questions, is stubborn and unwilling to bow down to any expectations but his own. Unfazed, intolerant to the world around him...These are the ones who take RISKS.

The Extra-ordinary...They balance...the left and the right...the wrong and the correct. These are the people who fulfill their expectations and live their passions...they don't need to be perfect...just need to be passionate in their imperfections. These are the ones who strike the right BALANCE.

And then there are those confused souls...not sure of what they are after...their dreams or their responsibilities. Swaying one side and then the other. Never still. But on the verge of making a CHOICE....

P.S: I usually think before I post. This one is an exception. For once I have done some justice to the description of my blog. Its almost the gibberish fresh from my cerebrum. Its not necessary that this will make sense to all. Forgive me for that. :)

The Tag(uitar).. :D..!!

I was recently tagged by Nidhi to do the desktop picture tag. In fact she made a new post to tag me coz (so sweet of you Nidhi) she hadn’t done that in the original one. So, again its not pure tagging…but if you know how I forced a tag upon myself through Mr. Mayz the last time around, I am only moving forward. :D

So here it is then…this is how my desktop has looked for last 3 weeks:

Yes…its obvious that I love Guitars, the sound of it and the feel of holding it in my hands. I am not a great player. But my guitar, for a long time has been something that has soothed my pains and faded my worries. Whenever I have felt like thinking too much. I just sit down…strumming.

I don’t have an electric myself..but my acoustic is enough to keep me alive (the pic on the right is my Givson Venus Special) :)I dream to go big one day…at least good enough to play the music thats in my mind. There is always music in my mind…GIGs…leads…and so much but I can’t play them. Well, given the kind of music I “think” of…It’ll take some years..and some serious practicing as well. I don’t have that kind of crazy skills YET. But someday, yes…someday……

Till then…I am happy just POSING..

P.S: I have an interview today. Wish me luck..

P.S.S: All images are larger then they are visible here. Click to enlarge them ..Duhuh..and the songs that you hear playing...(If you haven't paused them already) are some of the greatest guitar leads ever. :)

The cat...and the awards...!!

Do you like cats? I do. Do you hate dogs...I do..!! No, not the puppies, the full grown canines. I hate them specially the stray kinds...why...?? Well simply because I don't understand why those furry little bastards attack these furry little angels. Whats the point? They don't eat them!!..then..??why..? I know cats hunt mice..but they eat them. Its no point in killing someone and not eating it!! Its unnatural...!! Incidentally, only dogs and humans kill for recreational purposes.

Anyways, this was all going through my mind while I was shopping for snacks. I knew Mom wouldn't allow me to have one in the house. A puppy would be fine by the way..huh. So on the way back, I kneeled down to scrub its neck and for the first time..it meowed..as if asking me to give it a ride to my place :d I couldn't resist..so I picked it up. It clanged on to my tee with its miniatures claws and kept meowing all the way.

Earlier, I had seen it on the way to the market. On the side of the road. It was snuggling itself in a small ball of fur!! I reached to touch it and it offered no resistance. There was a dog eying it a few yards across. I had to throw a few things to make it run away. The kitten was only a few days old.

As I reached home, my mom had that look of 'awe' + a hidden smile somewhere + a stern 'NO YOU CAN'T KEEP IT' written all over her face. Yes I deciphered all that. Incidentally, I am a good face-reader, at least thats what I believe. Nevertheless, I put it down on the floor and it crawled underneath my leg. sitting there with its tail wrapped around its body. It was shivering. I tried to amplify the 'hidden smile' part on my mother's face and she resisted. A few seconds and zillion requests later, she asked me to leave it where I had seen it. In middle of the road, in front of the "I kill adorable cats" dog..? I asked if there was any milk.. Mom: "You are not feeding..it..and it looks exactly like the last one".

Yes there was a "last one" it would come daily to have some milk, play a little bit and then leave. It died a year and half back. (Hunted down by those stray bastards) I have been asked sternly not to tame any cats ever since...because...allegedly the last one brought bad luck. Last year and a half has been so bad..that I just can't argue with that reasoning despite the fact that I don't believe in it.

So I finally gave up and took it back. I havn't talked straight to my Mom since. Its harsh coz we are practically the only people left to each other. But yes...I like hurting people especially the ones that I care about...coz in turn watching them get hurt...hurts me..so its an indirect technique to hurt myself. I am not a psychopath but yes, I like hurting myself.

P.S: My Mother may just have the last laugh...coz she made my fav meal today and I almost gave up the "I am not talking" emotion.. :D

In other news: One of my friends jumped off from a water tank about five feet from ground, bare-feet...on solid ground. He is currently draped in a blanket, like a cocoon and his both feet are swollen. Yes, I have a weird taste in friends. Which also reminds me of a generous lady who has..given me two b-e-a-u-tiful awards. Frankly speaking, she was the only hope for me getting any...and she sure is a savior....Thanks Preeti..mwuaaaazzz.. :)

So...here I have...

The I love you blogger award:I pass it on to Keshi and Philic.
and the rockstar one:
I pass this one on to Mayz, Keshi and Che (at least you look like one)

And because I can't give any of these back to you Preeti and I don't have any others, I have invented one eXclusively for you. Here it is then..

It sure is for you ;)

Living on the edge, in hope...

Off late I have been having more than my fair share of technical difficulties. First I was disconnected from the world when my phone died, leaving me with a useless broadband terminal and then when I was just getting back in the groove, my SMPS went berserk. The inability to get my system ON pisses me OFF even more than a one-off lame incident like the one in the previous post. In short the RAHU and KETU of my computer were pretty heavy this fortnight.. :D

Anyways, I went to buy a new SMPS today and spent the whole day at a friend's place. When I came back home in the evening, all chirpy, I entered my house. The first thing that I heard was... "An Autorikshaw has just exploded in Gaffar...possibly it was a CNG cylinder explosion"

I went on in my cynic self, fitting the SMPC in the cabinet of my CPU at the same time... "Ya...and they say CNG is bloody safe" Next thing I heard...breaking news... "Blast no. 2,3,4,5"

...bloody fuck...was I shocked..?? No...not more than my mother to say the least. She went on... "Kya haal ho gaya hai..ghar se nikalna bhi safe nahi hai ab to..!!"

I was just watching...with a cold, stern face...simultaneously fitting the SMPS as if it doesn't effect me. Not a single sign of emotional distress. A single frown..?? No...nothing. I was cold, I still am.

Explosions with sickening regularity and the live media coverage which (the media) by the way has no sense of explicitness...has somehow possibly killed the explosion-sensitive emotion in me...I had that "Ya its a daily affair" look on my face. Am I a victim too...?? Probably yes..may be the hidden agenda they conspire on us is the cold hearted acceptance of an outrageously unsafe society, vulnerable to chaos. Am I the only one to succumb to this numb-ification...? or am I just one amongst the millions...? Are these explosions the only contributors...?

People die under bloody Bluelines these days...some have BMWs and the license to kill as well. The value of life is diminishing.

There is no law...there is no order...We live in hope...hope of...?

On the wall.. X(

Its 3:30 in the morning, I am still awake as usual, being the insomniac blood sucking monstrous vampire that I am (If you don't call a guy with extended canines, tendency to wake up all night and inability to cope with the minimalistic of sunlight or any bright light for crying out loud...a vampire...you need your basics redone...!! ). Its almost full moon, maybe it IS full moon and strong breeze is flowing across my house...right through the front door. Lovely eh..?? No Sire no!!

As I was strumming the strings on my G, so slow and so low making sure that my mom...in the next room...or my neighbors in the next apartment don't get the feel of the chords. Feeling the soothing breeze right across my face, I heard something, some water...sprinkling outside in a familiar rhythmic pattern and that's when the beauty of the night was sabotaged...

(caution: the following part of this post is a gross and disgusting description of an extremely horrendous act of abomination. I am posting this..because it may prevent me from murdering someone in abhorrence tonight)

My subconscious pointed acutely at just one act that results in similar rhythmic pattern. With all faith in the Almighty and hoping that I was wrong, I rose up, walked to the front door and to my disbelief, I was right. I saw a lame asshole having a pee (yes you read it right) at the wall about 20 yards away from my home. Well it wasn't that shocking after all. I had concluded it from the sound itself. The breeze was not in my favor after all...eh?? All I was hoping for (I wasn't getting it, just hoping) was a cup of coffee, chocolate powder sprinkled on it and the aroma...mmmmm...!!! And what did I get..?..PEE FRAGRANCE...!! For a second or two, I was stoned..

"room freshener...room freshener..." I thought, "no wait...lemme get a brick. Its only 20 yards, maybe I can have a good shot.."

Now I ain't Abhinav Bindra, but hey...a brick in place of a bullet...an empty head in place of a circled target...odds favored me!! I don't think it was righteous, but I just had all the anger control mechanisms in tact. (Damn it!!)

Incidentally a 'not so decent' family has just moved in at rent in an apartment right across mine. I think they have around seven people adjusted in 2 rooms (India for you ). So instead of asking others in the family to give him way (yes they sleep like people on the streets do), to go to the toilet, he took the Einstein-ic decision to take a pee...right outside. What am I gonna do about it...?? Nothing. I can't shout at him, at this hour in the night...Heck, I can't dare open my mouth, I'll die in disgust.

So, I have just closed the wooden gate and my window for now, so that I am insulated from the pee radiation. My night is done for, I have a cloud of room freshener around my head and I feel like strangulating that guy, obviously after ripping his hairs off his scalp, bashing his head against the same 'pee GRAFFITI-ified' wall.

The Root...

Once upon a time (when cable network was an outcry and kite flying as popular as cricket) there was this young guy. By young I mean...well..he was a kid..09-10 years old. He used to spend his holidays at his granny's place. His aunt (mother's sister) used to give tutions to little kids, mostly younger then himself. He was sometimes forced to take time out of usual nothingness (which he used to enjoy at that time) to teach those kids at times too. That's how he came to know Gina. She was a year younger and friendly and needless to say a very sweet girl (most children at that age are..!!). Once after the tuition was over this girl asked the guy's aunt if she can take the guy to her house for some time..to play maybe..? The aunt had to inevitably agree, given the nuisance that guy was. The guy was a little (this is a metaphor) shy. So he had to be pushed...and pulled..Well..Gina was pulling and aunty was pushing.."arey chala jaa...!!"

Fine. They started the journey. As they crossed the first block of houses, the familiarity of the neighborhood vanished, nervous jitters started bumbling inside the young tummy of this guy of ours. Gina's home suddenly started to seem a light year away. As they entered Gina's locality the guy started noticing the weird stares coming from the unknown faces on both sides of the street...He thought...

"so much attention, why don't I melt into nothingness this right moment. God please let me out of this situation I will eat bhindi for two weeks..!!"

Gina who was walking ahead in the meanwhile had managed to miss the hysteria on his face and kept talking just the way she had all this while.

"This is my locality, my house is just two blocks away...thats my school, thats my friend's house..BLAH BLAH."

Somehow it all converted into gibberish as it hit the ear drums of our nervous young guy.

That's when the most cowardly act of the millennium took place...he snapped...freed his hand took a U-turn and started running back. He had not the stomach to look back but he could imagine the "Oh my God..what happened" look on Gina's face..(maybe he heard that statement as well). But nothing could stop him. He ran back to the Granny's house. What happened afterward is not more important than the fact that he never saw Gina's face again. How could he. He was so embarrassed. He didn't know what she felt about the whole situation. He was still confused himself. His poor little brain could not contemplate the simplest of reasons for that super act of cowardliness.

As he turns old he flushes that part of his life somewhere down the drains in his cerebrum. But a slight reminder of that incident answered the only question he has been asking throughout his life...

"that is it then...that is the root of all the problems...that's where it all started."

As to the question: why...?

Well, simply because he was scared of attention...and affection from unexpected quarters. He still is...just adding on to that list...he is now scared of commitment as well.

All this while it never occurred to him, what the plight of Gina must have been. Stranded in middle of the street, a guy running in the opposite direction as if he was being abducted. The stares must have shifted the focus at that point in time. She was just a little girl...! He doesn't know where Gina is now. He doesn't know how she is...but from the core of his heart he wishes to say:

"I am sorry Gina. Sorry for being so stupid."

Moved..!!

Well this now is the first original post on this blog as all the previous ones are the 'link previews' to the posts from the previous one. Why did I move...?? Well I have many reasons. The most important being the ability to design things exactly the way I want them to be. Also the fact that finally I can have music enabled here. Wordpress is nice..and neat...but limited. I had to quit it someday.

So here I am, closer to most of you, right in the neighbourhood. :)

P.S: Lemme know if you like the look of this blog now. I have designed each and every bit of it. :)